Shout out to people with anxiety. I recently involved in a talk with a friend of mine. She was diagnosed with anxiety disorder a few years ago. I knew her since we were in junior high, and I can’t believe how exhausting it is just to be around her after she diagnosed with the disorder. .
I don’t know why, but everything seems scary and negative from her point of view. She asked me to cancel my plans, just because she needed me to buy her some things from the grocery store.
The whole “hey, social anxiety, dude” is not tolerable anymore. I mean, the person in the counter is not going to judge her, and even if they do, she doesn’t even know them!
She always want me to go to any event they interest to, and keep insisting even though i say no. There was one time where she asked me to see a movie with her favorite actors, when I have to head home for my sister’s birthday dinner.
All she said was ”Can’t you tell your sister to postpone the celebration? You surprise her tomorrow anyway”, and there was also a time when she sleep in my house for three weeks, not going out even once, instead she wants me to help her to buy some food, some daily stuff, bringing her card to the grocery store because she said the anxiety just hit her.
That was the time when i realize how she has turn into a jerk, and she’s making the terrifying thoughts all by herself, avoiding almost everything involve meeting with people or committing to something, and that i couldn’t handle being her friend anymore if she keeps acting the same way.
I began to slowly stepped out of her life, decided to create a decent space between us so I don’t have to get involve in her over-thinking life anymore. I lost contact to her when my family moved to another town, and I grew up without actually trying to find out about her condition.
We accidentally met in a saloon near my house. I was startled to see, how she was all bright and confident. A saloon isn’t a place she would go to a few years ago, but i’m glad is not a problem for her anymore. We went to a coffee shop nearby to have a talk. And she told me what have happened to her after I moved.
When I step out of her activities and began to say no everytime she asked me to go out was the worst time in her anxiety life. She can’t trust anyone anymore, and she does not want to create another friendship because she’s afraid all of them will leave her, just like what I did.
She started to feel down, lost in her thoughts that she’s all alone, ignored and no one will ever understand her. She wants to go out, but she’s scared and the social life seems unbearable, she even took her days off out of college .She was drown in her anxiety for a while, until her sister took her back to her doctor.
Medication and therapy begin to be a part of her life. Thankfully, her sister was there with her through it all, despite she’s being all jerk and annoying. She had a hard time pushing herself to live properly, but she wanted a change so she tried her best.
Daily exercises and healthy diet helped her so much, giving her some positive energy she needed to face the world. She started to realize how much of a jerk she’s been all this time.
Well, she’s one example among other people with anxiety out there, which i guarantee some of them acted just like my friend did. So for you, anxiety people, take a look at your attitude. Have you ever demanded someone to cancel their plans just to make time for you, even though there’s nothing important?
Have you ever get so caught up in the “scary social life” thought, you started to rely on everyone around you to face the crowd for you? If you do, i have to tell you one thing.
Truth is, your friends, families, partners, are also human beings. You can simply want them to always stick around you or understand you just because you have clinical anxiety and they don’t. They have their own life and problems needed to be taken care of.
They can be nice to you and help you in some of your hard times, but you can not take their kindness for granted. They have every right to leave you once you start to get so clingy. Anxiety is surely not an excuse to depend everything to others, and acts like a jerk. It’s not an acceptable reason to not follow through on things, rely on yourself, and do new things.
Nobody deserves to be on your life, if you keep angry, disappointed, and look at things negatively, because it might actually effect them to. Who knows, maybe your friends are actually having problems?
Or worst, maybe they are the ones needed much help. You don’t know much about their life, and they probably can’t tell you because you keep asking them to do you a favor.
You are the one who should be active in working yourself to be better, and seeking for help when you’re trying is much better than seeking for people who would done everything for you just because you’re “too afraid” to try.
Cancelling on plans or sitting in your room all day isn’t going to help you. Instead, it will be a black hole that will lead you to feel more lonely, because people will notice that you’re lacking in trying to be okay.
Sure some of the times it is okay to say no or asks for help in your worst times, just make sure you understand you will have to do it by yourself one day, and you can’t always rely on them every single time.