At 1998, supermodel Naomi Campbell threw a mobile phone to her maid, causing a nationwide scandal. Her maid eventually sued her and at 2000 she was decided guilty and had to pay her maid a sum of money as well as attended anger management class.
She completed her class, but in 2006, again she threw a Blackberry organizer to her housekeeper out of anger. She pleaded guilty and the same scandal repeated again – she paid her fine and attended more anger management clas…
… only to repeat a same action in 2007. This time she assaulted two police officers in Heathrow Airport when she found out her luggage was missing.
Campbell struggled hard with her anger management and shared her story many times in public after that. But, in 2015, once again she was arrested for assaulting two paparazzis with her handbag when she saw them photographing her.
What are you thinking about Naomi Campbell?
Do you resent her for getting angry so often? Do you pity her?
Or maybe, do you understand her and can relate to her pain?
Do you also have this urge to throw your phone to other people because they’re just so annoying, stressing, and difficult to deal with?
Maybe you do, because – unfortunately – stress and anger management is not only supermodel problem.
Stress and anger is human problem. Anybody can suffer from it, including me, you, your partner, your boss, or your friends.
Maybe some of us already know that we suffer from it, then we seek a solution and actively join anger management program so we know how to deal with stress and anger.
Maybe some of us doesn’t think that we have stress and anger management issue, but somehow we got that order to attend anger management class from police, court, doctor, or even family.
But, does this stress and anger management program actually works? After all, if we look at Campbell case, it clearly doesn’t. Maybe some of us are just born with short fuse.
Well, even if you think you are born with that short fuse, don’t lose hope because we have good news for you.
The good news it, science proved that stress and anger management works.
But…. there are some catch there. It could work or not depend on several things.
And guess what, we’ve listed things you should do to make anger management program works! After you read them, we hope you’ll know how to deal with stress and anger.
So, make sure to scroll down and check them.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. (Buddha)
How to deal with stress and anger ?
and why it comes easier for some of us and not for others
If you find yourself getting angry easier than your friends, you shouldn’t blame yourself.
There is a reason for that: anger tendency is actually genetic.
There is this enzyme inside our body that control agression. This enzyme is called Monoamine oxidase (MAOA) and everybody has different levels of it.
For some of us who have low level of this MAOA, we usually display more agression.
Now, for us with low MAOA, anger management class sometimes doesn’t work in our favor.
According to Psychology Today, this maybe caused by the wrong approach to anger management that we usually use.
We tend to emphasize anger management as technique to repress anger. But, we don’t touch the real issue of anger.
Instead of technique, anger management is actually a ‘reconditioning’. It helps you direct your body and mind to react appropriately when you’re angry instead of repressing that anger itself.
When angry, people are experiencing vulnerability in their emotion. This vulnerability can be in the form of sadness, embarrassment, anxiety, disappointment, or fear. When we start including blame into this vulnerability, anger is formed.
That’s why, instead of managing the anger, an anger management program should reduce participant’s vulnerability, because vulnerability is the cause of this anger reaction.
That’s the real answer for how to deal with stress and anger.
Did you know?
Sudden outburst of anger may actually indicate your health problem.
Article from CNN said that angry outburst has connection with heart attack and stroke.
Other overly severe angry could lead to weakened immune system, as reported by this research. It could lead to another more severe sickness, like lupus and diabetes.
Other organ that can be affected by this is lungs. Angry breathing can result in poor respiratory activities and faster declining rate of lungs in adult men.
How to make that program works
If you (or other people) find that you have trouble controlling your anger, you should plan your anger management program more seriously to make it works.
Here are several tips you should apply when taking an anger management program.
Pick the best course
There are many anger management program offered nowadays.
From the cheapest one from university where you voluntarily become their test subject to the one that cost $100 per session.
Among them, there are people who try to take advantage of your anger management problem and try to sell a $250 DVD set that claims to be effective at treating your anger management – without even a help from a therapist.
We don’t want you to fall into bad people who try to take advantage of your pain.
So, pick the best course available.
First thing to consider is, you have to pick the course based on their credibility. You have to make sure they are real institution or professional and not scam. Check their website, are they authentic? Do they use too many advertising word? Find out the review from other citizen about this clinic. Check out the profile of their counsellor too.
Only proceed after you find them credible.
Second thing to consider is how do you want to attend the course. Nowadays you don’t have to spend time in traditional courses where you get scheduled sessions, but you can go online too. In online class, you can access the material from your own home. So, you can choose between live session or online.
If you choose live session, the advantage that you’ll get is a more effective communication between you and your counsellor. For example, when you don’t understand an instruction, you can ask them directly and receive the answer at the same time.
Or maybe sometimes you just want to understand what’s the benefit behind some instruction, you can ask your counsellor about it too.
The disadvantage would be more effort on your part, because you’ll need to visit the class physically. The time is also scheduled according to your counsellor and your own availability, so it is not flexible.
If you choose online session, the advantage would be the flexible time. You can access the material anytime you want. You also don’t have to leave your home so the physical effort is minimal.
The disadvantage would be less direct communication. Usually you would interract with your counsellor via email. Because of this, you can’t expect him or her reply to you right away when you ask something. This can destroy your flow while learning.
Third thing to consider is the content of the course. Typically they will have lecture, simulation, and also counselling. Compare from several courses and choose one with the more complete material. Seek review on the internet for second opinion.
Fourth, decide whether you want private session or group session. If you are not comfortable with doing therapy with other people (maybe you don’t like showing your weakness?), private therapy is the best. But, in group session you can meet other people with the same problem so you will feel less alone. You can also observe other’s anger behavior and learn from them.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. (Buddha)
Once you pick the course you want, there are two things that you should do:
First, find a counselor that you’re most comfortable with. Mind their gender, age, location, and expertise. Maybe you have another preference.
Second, before you start the program, share your medical history – both for mental and physical health. This will help your counselor to tailor a perfect anger management that doesn’t interfere with your other healthcare.
Go to the class voluntarily
Just going to the counsellor office doesn’t mean you will make the program works. If it does, then everybody would be a master at how to deal with stress and anger.
Many people treat anger management program as duty – from their office, from court, or from their family. But, that’s not what an anger management program is.
If you come to an anger management session just because of duty, it means you don’t come voluntarily…
… if you come involuntarily, there’s a possibility that you don’t even understand that you have an anger management problem to begin with.
Even if you maybe only come to the program because of order from your doctor, police, or court, before you enroll, you should take a time to think about the reason you were sent there.
To make yourself go there voluntarily, try these steps below:
First, take a few minutes to recall your last anger outburst. Remember what you did and the effect of your outburst. Remember how you acted. Did you shout harsh words unnecessarily? Did you go harming things around you? Did you make everybody around you feel hurt?
Second, admit that you have anger management problem. Admit that you did wrong by lashing out and hurting other people. Admit that you need to control your anger better and you need help to do that. Then, tell yourself that the help you need is available in your class.
This confession will boost your motivation to complete the class. Thus, increasing the success rate of your anger management class.
Go to the class with positive attitude
Sometimes, even if you’ve already signed up to a program…
You’re still too lazy to come to the class. After all, you think that maybe you don’t even need it at all.
Or you still have that skepticism toward the program itself. You just can’t be convinced that a person could change just in matter of months?
These two thought can hinder your progress in learning how to deal with stress and anger. Before you go to class, take a few minutes to follow these steps:
First, collect your negative thoughts. Do you think the class is stupid? Do you think it isn’t effective? Maybe a waste of time? Maybe your counsellor is not competent? Put all of your doubts in one place – maybe in your mind or maybe you want to write them. Then, imagine you’re locking them up or burn them. Tell yourself that these thoughts shouldn’t came out anymore.
Second, let out the positive thought about the program. Remember the reason you choose the course. Maybe it have good reviews? Maybe the counsellor is famous for being professional? Maybe their way of doing counselling appeal to you personally? Remember everything and let them fill your mind.
Third, be enthusiastic about your program’s activities. Take a look at your material or schedule course and highlight the activities that you like. Maybe you can’t wait for the sharing session between you and other participants? Maybe you want to quickly have one on one session with your counsellor to tell him or her about your latest anger problem?
By practicing those steps before going to class, you’ll be more open minded during session and the effectivity of your therapy could be increased.
When you want to quit, remember..
For the easiest motivation, remember that anger management program is costly.
Yes, it is costly, and I’m not only talking about money. It costs you time and energy as well. Don’t you feel regretful that money you’ve hard earned just go away without giving you any benefit? Do really want to let those time you spent attending session go to waste before you master the trick on how to deal with stress and anger?
If it doesn’t work, remember your reputation.
Reputation is your asset, one that will open opportunity for you in the future. And remember that your anger management problem causes damage to this asset. If you don’t learn it, you may lose your reputation – and everyting that follow it: network and opportunity.
If you’re still not convinced, remember your most beloved people. Remember your spouse, your children, your friends, or those that always around you. Remember how you can protect them for your outburst and make them happy. Realize that you succeeding in your anger management will make your relationship healthier, happier, and stronger.
If remembering things don’t work, try giving yourself an incentive.
People react to incentive, so this can be your motivation to master anger management. Do you have a guilty pleasure that you can’t have often because, well, you feel guilty when doing it?
Maybe you always want to travel alone for several days without your family? Maybe you always want to eat in that fancy restaurant? Maybe you always want to buy that new mobile phone?
Then promise yourself that you can have it when you finish your course!
Remember, if you quit, you’ll never know how to deal with stress and anger and your recent situation will repeat again in the future.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel. In which is stored than to anything on which it is poured (Mark Twain)
Ready to go to your anger management program now?
So, whether you’re naturally easier to get angry or not, you still can succeed in your anger management program.
It only depends on your internal motivation and a some technical strategies.
Above, we’ve shared some tips both for increasing motivation and choosing the best program. We believe you’ll be able to apply them and know how to deal with stress and anger in the future.
Do you think our tips help? Have you ever try an anger management class?
Do they do good to you or do you struggle to complete it?
Tell us about your experience in the comment below!