I was diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder 5 years ago. I feel lonely, dissapointed, and seems like no one able to understand me. My family and friends always tried to calm me down, telling me that it was just in my head, and i should stop overthinking about everything.
I worry about worrying because I don’t even understand why i worry about a thing, it’s just a picture of the worst possibility always show up in my mind, and it gets scarier and harder because I know that it could happen to me, if I don’t get things correctly.
I begin to determine to do things perfectly. I want to be reliable, and I want people to look at me with respect and support. I feel relaxed for all of the compliments i get after I done something, but it gives me so much pressure that i begin to ignore and skip sleeping and eating.
I was terrified to waste time when I still have something to do, and i feel the urge of making sure everything I have to do is done, which some things can take up hours and days.
I was so sick,dizzy and my stomach hurts so bad until I was hospitalized. I was diagnosed with anxiety, insomnia, and ulcer all at the same time.
I cried so hard, not because it hurts, but knowing that i have to left some of my work, and i was sure it will lead to a disaster, and people will look down at me for not being able to maintain my health. I don’t want to be weak, and I want to work.
My sister was the one who actually helped me get through it all. In time when I was still hospitalized, she came along with some friends of her. She introduced them to me, and told me that they are also struggling with anxiety.
We got into some conversations, and they came almost everyday to the hospital. It was actually nice to meet some people who are struggling the same thing, and it was surprising how a group of anxiety people can have such a positive talks, with laughter and teasing each other, for we all know how each other would react to certain situations.
They were diagnosed with anxiety long before I did, and they share a lot of their experiences while dealing with people and their mixed-up feelings.
They also give me advice about what things I should try to slowly handle my anxiety so I don’t go over the top. Being perfect, what I always try to do, isn’t the best option for me, they said. I was so grateful to meet them, that i finally able to understand more about myself, and how people look at me, as i listen to their story.
As we have our conversations, I sum up some of the things I guess only people with anxiety would understand.
Now i know, how important it is to understand about your situation so you can try to explain it to people, and you can also be aware of any situation that will lead you to be anxious.
I’d like to share it with you, and either if it’s you, or your family, friends, relatives, i hope these will give you insights to understand more about them :
- We overthink not because we want to
People with anxiety tend to worry almost about everything. Running out of time, interacting with new people, assignments due-date, and other activities, make you panic and anxious, almost everytime.
Seems like there’s always something to face right after you get through one thing. It all begin with overthinking, where we picture the scariest thing could happen in any situation. We become to feel anxious, panic, and it wasn’t something we can control.
- The feel of always being judged
The flow of overthinking, gives an impression of always being judged. You get the impression that people staring and evaluating you, while it’s all just in your mind. While you always think that you’re being judged, you start to mind the smallest detail of how you act or what you say, and it can make you stress out sometimes.
- The urge to be “perfect”.
You feel like people always judge you, and you set an illusion to give others your “perfection”. However, when one person points out your mistake, it was like an instant breakdown, and it drives you nuts.
- We put others first, even though we’re breaking inside.
Having the thought of always being judged, make you always want to give the reflection of “good” in front of everyone. You avoid conflicts, so you always ready to acquiesce. And you do that, even when you’re suffering inside.
- We hesitate to open a conversation.
Being under pressure of all the overthinking, you find it hard to interact with new people. You worry about being misunderstood, ignored, or embarrassing yourself in front of them. Even greeting new people is just too much too ask.
- You get exhausted for trying.
All of the struggle eventually can drain your energy once at a time. Even just the thought of trying, can make you tired. It’s not easy, and one of those days you think it is just impossible to change and actually be open to your friends. You still don’t know whether they actually your friends or they secretly hate you, and yoy don’t know if you will ever find the right one to share your stories.
But, you keep on going anyway. And you have to!
The struggle is there not only to make you drown in deppression. One day, it will all miraculously go away. Your mind will not be as anxious as before, and greeting new people will not be as hard as it used to be. You are the one in charge of the change, to seek help and to always try. No one can control your life, except you.