Stoner Quotes – Funny Smoking Weed Quotes and Sayings

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Stoner Quotes – Funny Smoking Weed Quotes and Sayings

Sitting down to enjoy a funny movie while smoking some of that good stuff is an amazing experience. The experience is even better when the movie you’re watching is a stoner movie, the stoner quotes you’ll hear are some of the funniest things, especially if you’re high. Besides the funny smoking weed and stoner quotes and sayings, we will also talk about the benefits of smoking pot.

From “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” to “Pineapple Express”, “Friday” and “Cheech & Chong”, read bellow the most memorable quotes from the funniest stoner movies.

The Most Popular Stoner Quotes from Movies

Dazed and Confused

The first on our list is the classic, Dazed and Confused. There’s a scene where David Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey) asks his friend, Mitch Kramer (Wiley Wiggins) if he has a joint. The most agreeable line for stoners is said after he receives a negative answer: “It’d be a lot cooler if you did.” Now that’s something that all of us could agree on.

Half Baked

This is another classic where one of the most memorable comedians, Dave Chappelle, who plays Sir Smoke-a-lot, says one of the funniest stoner quotes: “I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden.”

Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas

In this one, it’s Johnny Depp, who plays Raoul Duke, who has the most memorable quotes. However, this movie is full of quotes that are really funny and memorable, but for stoners it probably was the one where Raoul Duke lists all the drugs that they have in their stash. It goes from weed to coke, to a huge assortment of pills. It’s like they had a pharmacy in their trunk.


This is the movie that gets stoners laughing wherever they might be. Chris Tucker, who plays Smokey, says to Ice Cube, who plays Craig Jones, one of the most relatable quotes that start with Craig being fired on his day off: “I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this, but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.” Stoners all over the world recite this quote word for word.

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle

This is one of the classics to which all hungry stoners can relate to. In a memorable scene where Harold and Kumar (John Cho and Kal Penn, respectively) get high with a cheetah, then they climb on it and ride it. The quote is When Harold asks: “Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?” And Kumar answers: “Both”.

Up in Smoke

This movie isn’t just a classic, it’s actually the first stoner movie and has the funniest stoner quotes. It’s when Cheech says: “Is that a joint man? That there looks like a quarter-pounder.” It’s a priceless gem.

Pineapple Express

We mentioned the first stoner movie, so now let’s say something about a modern-day stoner classic. This one is full of great quotes because it’s made by stoners, for stoners. The quote is when Danny McBride, who plays Red, says this line as a reaction to how high he is: “I’m trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I’m stone or because I have no blood left in my body.”

Grandma’s Boy

Now for the last stoner movie, we picked “Grandma’s Boy”, when Peter Dante says “I’ll smoke it with ya bro, we’ll go to the loony bin together. I don’t give a fuck.”. It’s hillarious af.

More Stoner Quotes – Funny Smoking Weed Quotes and Sayings:

Hey man, how am I driving? I think we're parked man.
This shit right here, This shit right here... It's crypta-chrona-kona-light!

Stoner Quotes and Sayings #3:

“I wake up early in the morning and it feels so good. Smoking on some shit that you wish you could.” – Snoop Dogg

Whoever said the best things in life are free... obviously grew their own bud.

Stoner Quotes and Sayings #5:

“Marijuana is not a drug!!! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck DICK for marijuana?”- Bob Saget

If we all had a bong, we all get along.

Stoner Quotes and Sayings #7:

“I don’t consider weed to be any worse than having a beer.” – James Franco

High people understand other high people, they catch things

There are many benefits of smoking marijuana and one of them is having a great laugh. Let’s put the funny side away for a second and let’s get serious about this matter. There’s been so mind-blowing changes recently, starting from legalization of the pot in more than 20 USA states to the CNN’s chief medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta who reversed his opinion on medical marijuana.

The Health Benefits Of Smoking Marijuana:

#1 It Can Treat Glaucoma

Glaucoma is an optic-nerve damaging disease, increasing the pressure in the eyeball which can cause to loss of vision. The effects of the marijuana can help you stop and cure this terrible disease. This has been tested in the early 70’s.

#2 Marijuana Can Help You Control Epileptic Seizures

Besides curing glaucoma, smoking weed can also help you control epileptic seizures, according to a study made in 2003. Cannabinoids can control seizures by binding to the brain cells responsible for controlling excitability and regulating relaxation.

#3 Weed Can Stop Cancer From Spreading

According to the researchers at the California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco, the Cannabidiol that is found in the cannabis can help you stop cancer from spreading. This 2007-made research is showing that all of this is happening by blocking a gene known as Id-1.

#4 THC Can Slow The Progression of Alzheimer’s Disease

A 2006 study led by Kim Janda of the Scripps Research Institute suggests that THC can slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease. The cannabinoids are stopping the enzymes in the brain that makes this disease active.

#5 Marijuana Can Help You Defeat Alcoholism

It’s a true fact that smoking marijuana is much safer than drinking alcohol. It’s definitely less addictive and can help you a lot. It’s the best substitute when it comes to comparing with prescription drugs, alcohol or other illegal substances.

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